Can We Go Home Now, Please?

I should have been in Ludlow today, saying a final goodbye to a dear man. I've been thinking about him and his family all day. Instead, despite feeling so positive last week, we are still here and it does not look like we will be getting out any time soon. As much as it is a very nice place with some very nice people... I WANT TO GO HOME NOW.

Madam started running high temperatures again at the end of last week. On Thursday a big mass was seen on her heart, on Friday it had started to gather itself into a ball shape and there was conjecture that it might be an abcess that would require surgery. On Saturday, the abcess theory was ruled out, her drips were removed and her antibiotics were switched to oral. The consultant dared to suggest that possibly Monday might see us being discharged if progress continued to go well. He shouldn't have said it out loud.

The temperatures got higher over the weekend, she did not seem to be responding to the new antibiotic. They were concerned that her heart may have deteriorated and become enlarged again, but today's ultrasound showed the fluid and the mass are shrinking. Today her canula was put back in, by the Competent Registrar you'll be pleased to hear not the FHD (*king Hopeless Doctor). So tonight she is back on IV antibiotics and tomorrow the cardiac team are meeting with the Infectious Diseases Unit to look at doing more investigations. The consultant admitted today that they are foxed - the ULI remains very U. Apparently it didn't matter too much when she seemed to have made such progress last week, but because things have ground to a halt and her recovery is stalling, the hunt to identify the ULI is back on with a vengeance. They need to know what it is so they can figure out what to do next. Can't help but feel we have taken a giant stride backwards. Really missing the boys and the togetherness of family. I want to take her home where she is free.

Encouraged by the nurses, I escaped to the outside world on Saturday night to spend a couple of hours at the 40th birthday party of Very Young Lovely Girlfriend. Felt like an out-of-body experience after being shut away in here for two weeks. Completely Brilliant to hold The Husband's hand because I could, rather than for ballast at a bedside. Also Very Brilliant being back in Real World with Dear Friends despite some Insensitive Censoriousness. Oh dear, can't seem to stop all these Capital Letters creeping in. Time To Sign Off I Think. 'Night All.