"Ooh, this looks lovely!" I say, picking up a tin of 'Melting Mocha'.
"Too brown", The Husband grimaces, "and anyway, it isn't the Right Type of Paint."
"This is what we want," he says, pointing to a shelf labelled Matt Emulsion.
"But is it wipe-able?" I say, "It would be really helpful if it was wipe-able. Can you get wipe-able paint?"
"Ah. For that," The Husband pronounces, "we need Vinyl Silk Emulsion."
"What about this one?" I offer. " 'Caramel Cascade'? "
"But it isn't One-Coat!" replies The Husband tartly.
"It has to be One-Coat?" I ask for clarification.
"Yes. One-Coat Vinyl Silk Emulsion," explains The Husband slowly, as if talking to a Particularly Dim Small Child or an Elderly Lady who is Hard of Hearing.
"This will do," he says, picking up a tin of 'Tantilising Toffee'.
"But it is about twice the price of this one!" I am, of course, wrongly assuming that one chooses paint the way I choose groceries on a very tight budget. The Husband quickly puts me right.
"If you buy that stuff it will need about three coats," he scoffs,"and I haven't got time to mess about putting on three coats!"
"But it says One-Coat on the tin..." I am Confused and Bewildered.
"It might say that, but it is just a marketing ploy. It isn't expensive enough." (He is talking to the Small Child again.) "Oh Damn," (actually he said something far ruder...) "...there is only one tin of 'Tantalising Toffee' left. Bother!"
"What about this?" I ask hopefully. "There's lots of it and it is Very Expensive." I hold out a tin of 'Champagne and Custard Cream'. The Husband takes one look at the price tag and goes Quite Pale.
He tutts loudly,"Ooh No. What a horrible colour." He points to the first shelf again. "Look here we are! This is just what we want! It's perfectly serviceable and exactly the right colour." He puts three tins of 'Melting Mocha' into the trolley.